RIP Alex Alves

The former Hertha striker tragically died from leukemia today - at the age of only 37. He was best known for his flamboyance and of course this tremendous 55 yards strike which was voted 'Goal of the Year' in 2000:



Gone but not forgotten.

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Gender Equality at German Non-League Grounds

It is one of the phenomena of the non-league scene that hasn't changed since my childhood days – female football fans often have to pay considerably less at the gates than their male counterparts. Interestingly, this oddity approximately starts below the Oberligen (level 5) and can be observed throughout the country.

For example, women only have to pay € 1,50 at Westphalian level 6 side SV Holzwickede. Men not entitled to any reduction have to settle up four times that price:

Once, twice, four times a lady

Sometimes, attending games is even a completely costless affair for the fair sex ("Frauen haben freien Eintritt"):

Dreams are free... it's making them come true that costs so much.

As much as I understand that kind of pricing policy at swinging clubs and discos, I am not able to do the same in this case. What's the benefit for the clubs? Quite apart from the fact that this line of action is veritable unrighteousness.

Feel free to send any valuable information to our address.

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Felix Wiedwald and the worst red card decision ever

What a villainous assault:
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Screen derby: Roman Neustädter vs. Marco Reus

Prior to last Saturday's Revierderby between Dortmund and Schalke, Former Mönchengladbach teammates Marco Reus and Roman Neustädter already did a simulation of the eagerly anticipated matchup with FIFA 13.
As we all know now, in ze real life Schalke come off better for the first time since early 2010. On the Xbox however, the game ended with an amicably draw.

Full time: Silly Baseball Cap City 1-1 Silly Baseball Cap United.

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From Düren to Hero: Andreas Lambertz

Lambertz in 2004 vs. GFC Düren

American sportsfans have it good: A rebound is a rebound is a rebound. An RBI …

In football, however, it's always a bit tricky when it comes to individual statistics. To this day, no one could give me a convincing explanation of how a "Zweikampf" (mixture of tackle and 50-50) is exacty defined. Where do short passes stop, where do long passes begin?

Ever since the emergence of companies like Opta or Impire, statistics evaluation has been transformed into an absurd record hunting business.

NEW RECORD: four headed goals in seven games with unwashed ears. You name it.

Despite that, no football player has ever gained promotion with the very same club from level 4 of the league system to the Bundesliga, having played in each of these divisions.

Well, at least until matchday three of the current season. Hats off to Fortuna Düsseldorf's skipper Andreas "Lumpi" Lambertz!

An achievement not to be expected from a narrow-chested midfielder cutting his way through the lowlands of Oberliga Nordrhein in 2004.

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Coldplay and Leon Andreasen – Never meant to cause you trouble

A spider web and it's me in the middle

Having last played in April 2010(!), Leon Andreasen's cinderella-esque return into Hannover's first team was _the_ story of the still young 2012-2013 campaign. The Dane even managed to score the team's first goal of the season at St. Pats' (Europa League qualifier).
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28 months of suffering seemed to have come to an end. Well, at least until yesterday's 4-1 Bundesliga victory over Nuremberg. Andreasen had to come off after twisting his knee at one of the many uneven spots of an really awful pitch – traces of a Coldplay concert four days ago.

The 29-year-old had to be substituted after just 9 minutes when the score was still 0-0. So worst of all, he maybe had to witness Hannover's deafening goal celebration song a mellowing four times: "Viva La Vida!" by, ehm, Coldplay.

Please don't get me wrong: Coldplay may be shite, but how the heck does one get the idea of arranging an open-air stadium concert during one of the busiest stages of the season with loads of mid-week matches?

Andreasen however was brought to the hospital with a suspected cruciate ligament rupture, which has now been confirmed. We wish him all the best.

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Ibrahim Afellay: First Interview at Schalke

Well, as the title implies: The new loan signing from mighty Barca directs his first words to Schalke's Club TV (in English with German translations).





What no one really expected: All of his early thoughts about the club are positive.

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Knocked out Referee: The Luisão Situation

In a Fortuna Düsseldorf v Benfica friendly this afternoon, the ref got knocked out by Benfica skipper Luisão. The incident has not been that easy to evaluate, the game however was instantly abandoned after Christian Fischer came round.

So it's up to you: Malicious attack or simply the worst performance by an actor in a supporting role?

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If Hannover fans were cool...

..., a banner like this one would be in their hand luggage for today's journey to Dublin:

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Christian Tiffert vs. Goal-line Technology

You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down

After years of argumenting and (probably even more) testing, the International Football Association Board (IFAB) has once and for all approved the use of the so called goal-line technology in official football games.



So extremely difficult to evaluate situations like this wonderful Christian Tiffert goal could finally be consigned to the past:

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How football fans see themselves & are seen by others

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2012-13 DFB-Pokal First Round Proper Draw (German FA Cup)

[blow bubbles here]

Yesterday, the draw for the 32 first round ties has been made by Oliver Bierhoff in Gdansk.
Holders: Borussia Dortmund.



2. Bundesliga versus Bundesliga
Jahn Regensburg v FC Bayern München
Erzgebirge Aue v Eintracht Frankfurt

2. Bundesliga versus 2. Bundesliga
VfR Aalen v FC Ingolstadt 04
SV Sandhausen v Energie Cottbus

3. Liga versus Bundesliga
Karlsruher SC v Hamburger SV
Alemannia Aachen v Borussia Mönchengladbach
1. FC Saarbrücken v FC Schalke 04
Kickers Offenbach v SpVgg Greuther Fürth
Preußen Münster v Werder Bremen
Wacker Burghausen v Fortuna Düsseldorf

3. Liga versus 2. Bundesliga
Arminia Bielefeld v SC Paderborn
1. FC Heidenheim v VfL Bochum
SpVgg Unterhaching v 1. FC Köln
Hansa Rostock v 1. FC Kaiserslautern
Chemnitzer FC v Dynamo Dresden
Hallescher FC v MSV Duisburg

Regionalliga (level 4) versus Bundesliga
FC Oberneuland v Borussia Dortmund
Berliner AK 07 v 1899 Hoffenheim
FC Carl Zeiss Jena v Bayer Leverkusen
SV Wilhelmshaven v FC Augsburg
TSV Havelse v 1. FC Nürnberg

Regionalliga (level 4) versus 2. Bundesliga
SG Sonnenhof Großaspach v FSV Frankfurt
Wormatia Worms v Hertha BSC
VfB Lübeck v Eintracht Braunschweig
Rot-Weiss Essen v 1. FC Union Berlin

Oberliga (level 5) versus Bundesliga
FC Nöttingen v Hannover 96
SC Victoria Hamburg v SC Freiburg
SV Rossbach/Verscheid v FSV Mainz 05

Oberliga (level 5) v 2. Bundesliga
Offenburger FV v FC St. Pauli
FC Hennef v TSV 1860 München

Verbandsliga (level 6) v Bundesliga
SV Falkensee-Finkenkrug v VfB Stuttgart
FC Schönberg 95 v VfL Wolfsburg

--

No real highlights, if you were to ask me. Saarbrücken v Schalke smells like deep 80's 2. Bundesliga mediocrity at least. Preußen Münster v Werder Bremen also is a tie to watch with some upset potential.

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Marko Arnautovic: "I'm that rich, I can buy your life"

The best things in life are free

Caught in a police check in Vienna, Austrian Werder striker Marko Arnautovic responded in his very reluctant way:

Sod you! I make so much money that I can buy your life.

According to Austrian newspaper heute the police officer subsequently charged Arnautovic for "aggressive behaviour". So minted Marko probably has to "buy" a lawyer first and foremost.

Anyway, it's time for a quotes section on this blog, isn't it?

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Schland Partyotism

Colourful fan culture or the stupidest achievement since 1909?

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The state of German non-league football?

Simply stick to Erkenschwick

...or as Goscinny didn't say: All of the Recklinghausen disctrict is under Schalke's control, except for one small village of indomitables that still holds out against the Royal Blues.

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Whatever became of... Mario Basler?

The proof: It's really him! (screenshot: netto-online.de/blog/)

What does he do for a living? Well, first of all he works as manager of Regionalliga (level 4) side Rot-Weiß Oberhausen. But it seems that even the recent relegation of his team did not stop him from looking for a part time job.

So he started to blog for a big discount supermarket chain about Euro 2012. He was not known for profound evaluations as a player, all the better that we now can admire his thinker's pose in front of a chalkboard.

You'd better watch out, Zonal Marking!

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Leapfrogging Oberliga

The sky is the limit!

What reads like an enormous bug in Football Manager 2012 is actually happening in German non-league football right now: some teams have a historic opportunity to gain promotion from level 6 directly to level 4 of the league system.

The reason for this is that the current three Regionalligen (4th tier) will be expanded to five with the beginning of the 2012-13 season. Bavaria, for example, will get it's own division (only god knows why).

The promotion play-off rules differ from region to region. Far in the west, in our biggest federal state North Rhine-Westphalia, even two former Bundesliga sides take part in the crucial matchups: KFC Uerdingen and SG Wattenscheid 09.

The competitors play two matches against each other on a home and away basis (away goals rule applies). Mighty SGW qualified as champions of Verbandsliga Westfalen II (6th tier) and therefore are one the clubs that aim to skip Oberliga (5th tier). Albeit their opponents SV Bergisch Gladbach might also have a say in the matter...

Fixtures
Thursday, 07th June 2012, 15:00 CET
KFC Uerdingen 05 v FC Kray
SSVg Velbert v SV Lippstadt 08
Bergisch Gladbach 09 v SG Wattenscheid 09

Sunday, 10th June 2012, 15:00 CET
FC Kray v KFC Uerdingen 05
SV Lippstadt 08 v SSVg Velbert
SG Wattenscheid 09 v Bergisch Gladbach 09

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A football recovery called Euro 2012

The typical end of season feeling: another year of club football is gone. And along with it loads of blood, sweat and tears. On the contrary, World Cups and European Championships have always been kind of footballing recreational holidays for me.

I don't have to root for anybody and therefore I'm able to simply enjoy the beautiful game in the true sense of the word. Having a barbecue and chilled drinks while watching Europe's finest footballers doin' their job in HD – as good as it gets.

At every international tournament since World Cup 94 I participated in a private betting game run by some of my mates. This time I furthermore decided to try out some Euro fantasy football at fanxt.com. Should be a lot of fun to build my own team of European superstars.

There are two variations of the game. The totally free to use version addresses the more casual users amongst us but you can also register as a premium user and compete for prizes amounting to 17,600 US Dollars.

All I have to do now is to figure out which players are worth my $100 million budget. Still haven't found Messi, yet...

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23 Tons of 96

Hannover 96 may be the most boring club from the most boring town in the world... but then again they have something "not to mess with":

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Germany UEFA Euro 2012 Squad

Eastern bloc party

Well, Uber Football do not support any national teams. Nevertheless here are the final votes of the Jogian jury:

Goalkeepers:
Manuel Neuer (Bayern München), Tim Wiese (Werder Bremen), Ron-Robert Zieler (Hannover 96)


Defenders:
Holger Badstuber (Bayern München), Jerome Boateng (Bayern München), Benedikt Höwedes (FC Schalke 04), Mats Hummels (Borussia Dortmund), Marcel Schmelzer (Borussia Dortmund), Philipp Lahm (Bayern München), Per Mertesacker (Arsenal FC)

Midfielders:
Lars Bender (Bayer Leverkusen), Mario Götze (Borussia Dortmund), Sami Khedira (Real Madrid), Toni Kroos (Bayern München), Thomas Müller (Bayern München), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Bayern München), Mesut Özil (Real Madrid), Marco Reus (Borussia Mönchengladbach), André Schürrle (Bayer 04 Leverkusen), Ilkay Gündogan (Borussia Dortmund)

Forwards:
Mario Gomez (Bayern München), Miroslav Klose (SS Lazio), Lukas Podolski (1. FC Köln)


No big surprises really but I'm not totally convinced that Löw chose the better one of the two Benders. Maybe someone should tell him that identical twins are the spitting image of each other. Anyway, we are very much relieved that Draxler didn't make it.

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Free, funny, Franco Foda

Close, but no banana!

1. FC Kaiserslautern admittedly had to perceive their bitter descent to 2nd division, but they also seem starting to do their homework. Yesterday, Franco Foda officially was presented as new manager. As a distinctive ex-player, he can be considered a supporters' favorite and for that reason alone probably is not the worst of choices.

The 46-year-old furthermore had a long and successful spell as manager of Austrian side Sturm Graz. His most remarkable achievement however was more of an unintentional nature. Coming off the bench, Foda prepared himself to replace teammate Michael Frontzeck in the 82nd minute of an international friendly in Brazil's capital Brasília in 1987.

He certainly had imagined his very first international cap slightly different, but the whole stadium went nuts right after the announcer called his name – "Franco Foda" can be translated as "having sexual intercourse for free" in Brazilian Portuguese.

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The Rest of Leipzig

Leipzig's not only the setting for a soda producer's plan of world conquest, it's also home of the country's most noteworthy football statue. Or eleven noteworthy statues, to be precise.

Summer of 1963. Despite being GDR's 2nd city and having two teams in the top flight, Leipzig hardly noted any success as far as football is concerned. Therefore mass sports organization DTSB decided to unify the two sides to a central Leipzig's sports club – Lokomotive and Rotation turned into SC Leipzig.

The newly formed club's first team was compound from the supposedly best players of its two forerunners. The remaining players, who could not put themselves forward for Leipzig's new footballing flagship, were transferred to BSG Chemie Leipzig.

Chemie were given the vacant Oberliga place and during the run-up to the season the team gained the nickname "Rest von Leipzig" – "Rest of Leipzig". Legendary manager Alfred Kunze shaped a committed gang, solid in defence and good on the break. The team sensationally won the league eventually, probably the biggest upset in the history of the GDR Oberliga.

The championship team of Klaus Günther, Dieter Sommer, Manfred Walter, Bernd Bauchspieß, Heinz Herrmann, Horst Slaby, Wolfgang Behla, Lothar Pacholski, Dieter Scherbarth, Bernd Herzog, Wolfgang Krause, Klaus Lisiewicz and Hans-Georg Sannert was life-sizedly poured in concrete a few years later:

The Rest of Leipzig comic style statues

Over the years Chemie Leipzig became an "elevator side" and were not left untouched by German reunification. The club changed its name to FC Sachsen Leipzig and in 1992, their ground, former Georg-Schwarz-Sportpark, was renamed to Alfred-Kunze-Sportpark.

In March 2009, the club had to declare insolvency for a second time in its history and finally folded on 30 June 2011. As today, SG Leipzig-Leutzsch and BSG Chemie Leipzig both consider themselves as legal successors of the dissolved FC Sachsen. Both clubs face each other in the "Sachsenliga" on level six of the league system.

Confusing stuff, I know. But in all these trials and tribulations, however one constant remains – the "Rest of Leipzig" right next to the main stand of Kunze-Sportpark:

Main stand with the Rest of Leipzig on its right

All photos by courtesy of our friends from German Football Grounds, where you'll find more photos of Alfred-Kunze-Sportpark.

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1. Bundesliga All-Star Team 2011-12 Season

Someone Still Loves You Lewis Holtby

Quick and painless, 100% subjective:

Klaas-Jan  Huntelaar (S04)

Raúl (S04)

Franck Ribery (FCB) - Marco Reus (BMG) - Shinji Kagawa (BVB)

Sebastian Kehl (BVB)

Filip Daems (BMG) - Holger Badstuber (FCB) - Mats Hummels (BVB) - Łukasz Piszczek (BVB)

Marc-André ter Stegen (BMG)

Manager/Coach: Jos Luhukay (FC Augsburg)

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Relegation does not necessarily mean Relegation

Hertha's last lifeline

One of the local specialities of German football: the relegation play-offs. It's simply called "Relegation" in this part of the world, which might sound strange to foreign ears. Indroduced in the 1981-82 season, the 1. Bundesliga relegation playoffs were played until 1991 and then again since 2009 following a 18-year hiatus.

Easy formula: Third team from bottom of 1. Bundesliga plays a two-legged playoff with the third-place team of 2. Bundesliga, with the winner playing 1. Bundesliga the next season. Away goals rule applies. The same format is used since 2008-09 between 2. Bundesliga and 3. Liga.

This year's fixtures:

1. Bundesliga Relegation Playoffs
10th May 2012, 20:30 CET: Hertha BSC v Fortuna Düsseldorf
15th May 2012, 20:30 CET: Fortuna Düsseldorf v Hertha BSC

2. Bundesliga Relegation Playoffs
11th May 2012, 20:30 CET:  Jahn Regensburg v Karlsruher SC
16th May 2012, 20:30 CET:  Karlsruher SC v Jahn Regensburg

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Die Toten Hosen playing at Jens Jeremies' home

Cheeky Jens Jeremies

Celebrating their 30-year anniversary, German punk rocker "Die Toten Hosen" (DTH) did what they call a Magical-Mystery-Tour across the country. Fans were given the chance to apply for the band performing in their living rooms - for beer, sandwiches and "a place to crash".

One very special application among 4,500 others arrived from a small town in the vicinity of Munich. None other than six-time German champion and Champions League winner Jens Jeremies wanted the band to play at his party basement. Which btw looks like every football maniac's wet dream (except the Bayern posters of course).

He justified his application with the disrespect he received by teammates when he kept listening DTH after they released their famous anti Bayern song, ehm, "Bayern". It is therefore about time for a compensation. Frontman Campino "considered this to be a coherent argument", he said.

So here are Die Toten Hosen performing live at Jens Jeremies' (the stout guy with the Dynamo Dresden shirt) basemant on April 28 2012:

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Mailand oder Madrid? Tim to say good buy

It's not pink, it's salmon-coloured

Once asked for which side he will play next season, Andreas "Andy" Möller responded with his very own unintentional sense of humor:

Mailand oder Madrid, Hauptsache Italien.

Milan or Madrid, as long as it is in Italy.

A legendary bloomer that has already advanced to become a classic of the genre. Furthermore it could have served as a motto for Tim Wiese's career management. Currently attached to Werder Bremen, Germany's No. Two goalkeeper was linked with a move to either Real Madrid or one of the two Milan based giants.

Yesterday however, it was announced that the 30-year-old will work for village club 1899 Hoffenheim in the near future. A news story very well received by local hairdressers and tanning salons at least.

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Madrid vs Bayern: "90 MINUTEN IM BERNABEU SIND SEHR LANG"

This is how Spanish daily sports tabloid "MARCA" welcomes Bayern Munich on today's front page:

MARCA front page, 24 April 2012

The pro-Real-Madrid newspaper has some German words in advice prior to tomorrow's Champions League semifinal clash. "90 MINUTEN IM BERNABEU SIND SEHR LANG" translates "90 MINUTES AT THE BERNABEU STADIUM CAN BE VERY LONG" in English.

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TiL ft. Hula - Draxler (The Song!)

After two weeks of severe footballing disappointments it's time to cheer up the atmosphere a little bit. I therefore proudly present DRAXLER:



Lyris excerpt:

Here comes Draxler!
Who are Götze and Reus?
Here comes Draxler!
Yes he'll remain faithful to us
Here comes Draxler!
The kid with the horse lungs
Here comes Draxler!
90 minutes at full throttle and then going on a lap of honour

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German Football Museum in Dortmund

In 2009, DFB (German FA) announced that the new German Football Museum will come into existence in Dortmund. It will be located right next to the central train station and last year they even started to do some preparation works. But at the moment there's not much happening. Current photo of the building site:

Mitten ins Herz! – Right to the heart!

The completion of the building is planned for 2014. Uber Football will stick to it and report about progress on the construction at irregular intervals.

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Raúl still got it

Without words:

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The 36 chambers of Felix Magath

"There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away"

36 is the largest numeric base that some computer systems support because it exhausts the numerals, 0-9, and the letters, A-Z. 36 is also the number of possible outcomes in the roll of two distinct dice.

For VfL Wolfsburg manager Felix Magath, 36 most notably is the number of players used during the first 28 matchdays of the 2011-12 season. This new record for the Bundesliga isn't that surprising considering that the club signed 9 new players during the winter transfer window. 

The 36 crazyfists:

Marcel Schäfer, Defender, 27
Christian Träsch, Defender, 24
Diego Benaglio, Goalkeeper, 28
Mario Mandzukic, Forward, 25
Josué, Midfielder, 32
Ashkan Dejagah, Midfielder, 25
Makoto Hasebe, Midfielder, 28
Marco Russ, Defender, 26
Alexander Madlung, Defender, 29
Patrick Ochs, Midfielder, 27
Hasan Salihamidzic, Midfielder, 35
Ja-Cheol Koo, Midfielder, 23
Patrick Helmes, Forward, 28
Ricardo Rodríguez, Defender, 19
Felipe, Defender, 24
Jan Polak, Midfielder, 31
Srdjan Lakic, Forward, 28
Rasmus Jönsson, Forward, 22
Petr Jiracek, Midfielder, 26
Sebastian Polter, Forward, 21
Chris, Defender, 33
Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Defender, 32
Bjarne Thoelke, Defender, 19
Giovanni Sio, Midfielder, 23
Thomas Hitzlsperger, Midfielder, 29
Yohandry Orozco, Midfielder, 21
Aleksandr Hleb, Midfielder, 30
Simon Kjaer, Defender, 23
Vieirinha, Midfielder, 26
Marwin Hitz, Goalkeeper, 24
Michael Schulze, Defender, 23
Robin Knoche, Defender, 19
Sebastian Schindzielorz, Midfielder, 33
Ibrahim Sissoko, Midfielder, 20
Hrvoje Cale, Defender, 27
Maximilian Arnold, Midfielder, 17

Now guess the manager who then used 34 of the 35 players that held the now broken record (Eintracht Frankfurt, 2000-01 season)...

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Didier Deschamps founders on Schweinsteiger

Olympique Marseille and Bayern München will meet each other in the Chamions Leauge quarterfinal. Talking about the upcoming tie at a press conference, OM manager Didier Deschamps spectacularly failed to pronounce the name of Bayern's key player:



"Scheißneger" literally translates as, well, ehm... "Shite Nigger". He "may have forgetten a 'H' somewhere," Dechamps admitted sheepishly. Yeah well, Didier, you did. And a 'W', a 'T', an 'I'...

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Borussia Metaphoric

A wait at the bus station uses to be a boring affair. But sometimes...

Suddenly it catched sight of it. Laying on the soil behind the trash bin, almost flawless between fag butts and any kind of dirt. A button displaying Borussia Mönchengladbach's logo. It just could be emblematic for the cub's recent success. From dirty relegation battle to the spotlights of European football. Risen from the ruins.

Welly well, the beauty of small things. Or maybe I'm just a desperate nerd, seeking for a bit of football in virtually everything.

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Dynamo Dresden: Sold out empty stadium

NOT a valid matchday ticket

Because of riots during a cup tie in Dortmund, Dynamo Dresden will have to play today's home encounter with Ingolstadt behind closed doors. Despite the ban, the second division outfit started to offer tickets to the fans.

This proved a resounding success: yesterday, Dynamo announced that they sold any of the 32,066 available "ghost tickets" (which equals the stadium's capacity). In order to fulfill continuing demand, the club are going to extend the sale until kick-off and appeal the supporters:

SG Dynamo Dresden request any ticket owner to close ranks inside the ground. This is the only way for anyone interested waiting outside to NOT watch the game.

Limited edition T-shirts commemorating the "Geisterspiel" (English: "ghost game") are on sale as well. The tickets, which range from 5 EUR (terrace) over 10 EUR (seated) to 20 EUR (VIP), are nothing more than memorabilia likewise. As a reminder, Dynamo outline the privileges of "ghost ticket" holders on their website:

NOT to visit the match vs. Ingoslstadt
NOT to use the tickets for short-distance public transport
NOT to enter the ground
NOT to consume beer and bratwurst

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Twente-Twente Vision

Europa League has seen a new record yesterday: A team being triple-handicapped by a single ref decision. Slainte mhath!

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ARNE FRIEDRICH IS NOT GAY!

NOT GAY!

The new Chicago Fire signing ain't gay!*

Did you get message? Arne Friedrich is not a homosexual.

I repeat: The 32-year-old defender is not gay.

Everybody now:

A R N E__F R I E D R I C H__I S__N O T__G A Y!

*In October 2011, Friedrich's girlfriend wrote a fabulous open letter to the media, stating how sick she is of all the people googling for Arne Friedrich schwul (English: Arne Friedrich gay). "Arne ain't gay and I'm pretty sure that he'd be the last one to deny his sexuality," she clarified her position.

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Otto's Comeback

How to succeed without a George Clooney lookalike between the posts? Can a 73-year-old coach, who is believed to be social conservative and very authoritative, handle a Bundesliga with loads of experienced player in their early twenties? And will we see the return of the sweeper?

Questions upon questions. It's up to Otto Rehhagel (with double-'h'!) to start answering. Today, 15:30 CET, FC Augsburg v Hertha BSC.

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Bayer Leverkusen and Messi: Going, going, gone!

Charityjersey

When dreams come true: Michal Kadlec' and Manuel Friedrich's most ardent wish obvviously was to swap their work gear with the planet's best player. At their recent encounter with Barça the Bayer Leverkusen defensemen finally both got their object of desire, as Friedrich exchanged shirts with Lionel Messi already by halftime.

He thereby was just a few seconds faster than Kadlec, who devised to do the same. Like teenage girls at a Justin Bieber concert.

Thus Bayer sports director Rudi Völler told a newspaper in one of his trademark rants: „I guarantee, that Kadlec and Friedrich will auction their Messi shirts for a good cause. What they have done has certainly been somewhat too much of a good thing."

You win some, you lose some.

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Bruno Labbadia: Be Quiet And Dive

Current VfB Stuttgart manager Bruno Labbadia may be on the brink of his sacking after a lousy start in 2012, but has seen better times. A Bundesliga champion as a player with both Kaiserslautern and Bayern, most notably his stint at the first-mentioned club lead to his reputation of being a worthy successor of Gerd Müller.

Perhaps this kind of appraisal was slightly overstated, but have you ever seen "Der Bomber" finding the net shortly after awkwardly diving two times inside the box? No? Well... handsome Bruno did so in 1991 when he won the title with the "Red Devils":

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Rudi Assauer: Fading memories of my life

"There are artificial knees, new hip joints, while others enjoy life with a cardiac pacemaker. But the head. The bonce. It can't come worse."

— Rudi Assauer, 2011

The last time I saw Rudi Assauer at a local gas station, he was like a goddamn boss. As always. Smoking one of his trademark cigars (at a gas station!) he carried a huge stack of newspapers under his arm as he headed to his limousine. What means that he still was interested in current affairs and also was able to get things done on his own. This happened less than two years ago.

The 67-year-old, however, then already had to deal with difficulties to articulate himself and occasional blackouts over the last few years. These problems were probably one of the reasons for his inglorious retirement as Schalke manager in 2006 and rumours that he might be an alcoholic one year earlier.

In 2010 Assauer finally underwent an examination at a specialty hospital in Essen. Sad diagnosis: Alzheimer's disease. Since then his condition has deteriorated significantly. He had to give up driving and was constrained to sell his villa and move to his daughter subsequently. But Rudi has always been a fighter and so he started to take the bull by the horns. As a consequence he allowed public-service TV broadcaster ZDF to follow him for about a year and wrote down his memoirs with support of sportswriter Patrick Strasser.

"Wie ausgewechselt: Verblassende Erinnerungen an mein Leben" (English: "Like having been substituted: Fading memories of my life") was published yesterday, February 2nd 2012.

Wish him all the best!

————————————

Senior career stats:
1963–1964 SpVgg Herten 24 (3)
1964–1970 Borussia Dortmund 119 (8)
1970–1976 SV Werder Bremen 188 (4)

Honours as player:
DFB-Pokal: 1964–65 (with Borussia Dortmund)
UEFA Cup Winners' Cup: 1965–66 (with Borussia Dortmund)

Managing career:
1976–1981 SV Werder Bremen
1981–1986 FC Schalke 04
1990–1993 VfB Oldenburg
1993–2006 FC Schalke 04

Honours as manager:
UEFA Cup: 1996–97 (with Schalke 04)
DFB-Pokal: 2000–01 & 2001–02 (with Schalke 04)

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Breath of Roses

Paul > Moussa (Screenshot: "Transfermarkt.de")

Who has been the hottest shit on the German version of football transfers website "Transfermarkt" last week? Messi, Moussa Sow or new NUFC signing Papiss Demba Cissé? No, the profile page of "Paul Janke", 30, got all the attention.

But what is so special about a veteran midfielder playing for Hamburg based 5th division side "Niendorfer TSV"? Well... if I might say so: his footballing market value may be estimated as zero, but in his private live he seems to know how to score. Paul is chief character in the second season of "The Bachelor" on German TV.

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Raúl: Goal of the Year / Tor des Jahres 2011

Raúl's wondergoal against 1. FC Köln earlier this season has officially been selected as "Tor des Jahres 2011" by viewers of the "ARD-Sportschau" (Bundesliga TV show). ¡Felicitaciones!

Now sit back, relax, and enjoy:

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Papiss Demba Cissé

What can Newcastle Utd expect from their dearly winter signing? Well, first of all, Papiss Demba Cissé is without doubt a very good striker. But then again his ego sometimes seems to spoil his goalscoring skills. By way of proof we proudly present the most narcissistic penalty run-up in football history:

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